Friday, August 21, 2015

August 21


  1. One Fine Day

    Grandpa told me it was time
    To decide my future

    Eighteen years old and I still
    Wasn't quite sure

    To go to school or into the military
    As he promised

    He would back me up with a scholarship
    If I enlisted for the service plotting my course

    But then, it felt as if I was being forced
    I was not going to go to his Alma Mater

    I was content to work at my job and not
    Resent the offer

    Of going for an education or following
    Through with his military recommendation

    He told me computer science was where it was at
    With the advance of the chip, being that

    It was now as small as your thumb nail
    And this information made me fail

    To see the possibilities before me
    I didn't want to own a gun and didn't

    Want to have to run, but the pressure
    Was to much for one

    Man to bear, as I said, I would think about it
    And left it there

    The thought of getting this for that
    Made me think it was the devil's pact

    And if I had took the offer
    I swear I would have suffered

    I'm not military material, I am not cynical
    I just feared they would have chewed me up

    And spit me out and I was better off to be
    On my own with all my doubts

    And the future now holds true to his word
    Wars upon wars and the feeling I would have toured

    Maybe come back as a hero or with a rank
    Of lieutenant having him to thank

    Studying under his every whim
    Succeeding in doing the will of grandpa's spin

    That one fine day, but, it is better, I did not sway
    Or go away as I stayed right here

    To make pizza's and wash dishes
    Fry some chicken for peanuts

    As I roofed and goofed
    And was a cook and waiter

    Knowing what I know now
    I wish I had had a greater

    Aspiration than what I did
    Yet I tried to do the college gig

    Found my niche and didn't flinch
    And did not need grandpa's grip

    Computers were the future and so
    Was the service as I stayed out of both

    For one purpose
    To be me and free

    Of any strings, like I said, I was no
    Military material without computer skills

    I'm no villain or criminal
    And my future is still

    In my own hands as I can do anything
    I demand and can command the plan

    To wake up tomorrow
    And be my own man

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  3. I spent so much time
    Considering how the boss was operating
    Reworking my responses
    Strategizing what would advance my cause.
    Looking back I see how unimportant all of this was
    If I’d only known, I would not have let waste time on these things.

    I avoided authority
    Unable to see their side
    Rarely spoke when they were near

    Despite contribution I could make
    Believed I was just a cog the machine
    If I’d only known, I wouldn’t have been so preoccupied.

    I imagined I would work with children
    Creating program themes
    Facilitating craft and song and play
    Not realizing I would miss this
    If I’d only known, I would not have lost work with lost this population.

    I am interested in mental health
    Psychological motivation
    Intuitive counseling
    But phsicial disability work
    Is more recognized and available
    If I’d only known, I would have focused done more psych work.

    I spent a lot of time in self reflection
    Attempting to best to match my gifts
    Mostly attending to details
    Concerned I could not see where the work was heading
    Unable to see how I best fit into a larger scheme
    If I’d only known, this would take a lifetime to discern.

    1. Wow! That is an intense poem! You and I talked about revelation in Sequoia and the honesty necessary to write. You have it here.

  4. No Regret

    I never wanted to
    go into construction
    had no desire to
    follow in Dad’s footsteps

    that’s what I said
    when I painted houses
    for my landlord
    to pay my rent

    I wasn’t the best
    painter for Dad
    painting as a teen
    too slow too careful

    worked nearly ten years
    as a drafter, part time
    working in the shop painting
    trailer frames, building cabinets

    drawing plans for space frames &
    computer floors. buy tools &
    ladders for carpenters getting
    yelled at if I made a mistake

    learning how to engineer trusses,
    calculate lengths for sloped roofs.
    live weight, dead weight,
    trig, program HP 11C calculator

    I never wanted to
    go into construction
    I wanted to use
    my brain not my hands

    I never wanted to
    follow my dad
    after some of the
    things he said

    make my own way
    my own failures
    broken dreams

  5. Dear diary,
    Take it from me... when the weatherman says it's gonna rain, it's best you assume it's gonna rain.
    Got to work this morning, found out nobody tarped the 80 plus pallets of freight out in the garden center. And yes, it RAINED! We're weeks from Christmas, and now over half of my remaining back stock has mold. Great.... now, I get to place all kinds of emergency orders and pray it gets here in time. I wish it was January.

  6. If I'd Only Known...

    I would have said no
    To that person
    Said no
    To that joint
    And said no
    To that outfit